First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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