Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
