new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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