she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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