Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize