Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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