mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
