I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
