He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
