so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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