i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
