you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
