she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
