Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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