Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
