She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
