..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
how does that bad decision feel?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
