Swine flu is the new snow day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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