I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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