4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize