Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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