I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
