isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
