Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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