found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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