so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
