Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
