Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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