We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize