Tell her she can't have a vagina
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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