Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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