i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
