I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
