So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Walk of Shame today included voting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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