i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
