people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
