Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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