question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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