he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
PANTIES FOUND
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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