SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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