So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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