Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i now understand why vodka
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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