I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
