his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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