Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
