But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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