So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
