The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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