All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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