I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
