My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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