I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
