My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize