I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
