you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
