How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
