Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
