He uses pillows to masturbate.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
