Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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