she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
