he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
