I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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