Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
