just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
