So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
