Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize