And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
