So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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