i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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