Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
