Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
