Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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