you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
