the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
