Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
