69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
