Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
