i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
