ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to calm my uterus...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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