a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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