Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
