Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize